Awhile back when I was in the midst of my eating disorder the song “Scars to your Beautiful” came out. When it came on the radio once, I had already heard it a couple times and new some of the lyrics. But as I listened to the song and the second verse was playing I started to cry. It made me realize how sad I was and how I was destroying my body. Ever since then I hear it on the radio at the perfect time.
First it started when I would turn on the car and get ready to go to the gym, it would be playing, then on my way out from the gym it would be playing. Then it started when I would come downstairs and be in a sad mood and it would be playing. I took it as a sign from God. Whenever this song played it reminded me of why I was sad and it wouldn’t necessarily snap me out of it but it reminded me that things are ok and would just kind of make me forget about them. Some of the time I really thought that God had abandoned me. My dad would tell me the story of the footsteps on the beach, where there was only on set of footsteps sometimes and it wasn’t that God wasn’t walking with you anymore but that he was carrying you. I didn’t believe it, I was reluctant to believe that God was helping me but that wasn’t all the time. In the times when this song would play I would look up and say, “you’re funny God” and my mood would change and I’d be thankful. This was just one small miracle that occurred that refurbished my strength in God.
Other amazing things that have happened are this one night when I was really struggling with my emotions and thoughts. My aunt was texting me about helping out at a fundraiser and I just wasn’t interested so I respectfully declined. Then out of nowhere just as I was about to go to bed and embellish in my sadness my aunt texted back and said “Is everything ok? You seem troubled” and I thought, that’s weird, because I didn’t think my text tone was unusually sad or anything. Feeling a little more hopeful I texted my aunt back and told her I was having a rough night and stuff and she responded with a wonderful message about how God was with me and loves me because I am Me and made in the image of him. It really made me feel better and I couldn’t help but think “God…this was you’re doing, wasn’t it?”.
One last little God made miracle that happened to me was when I was in chapters. I came across a quote awhile back somewhere that read “God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference” I started saying that every day for a bit and I believe things got better. But the weird “GOD”incidence was when I went to chapters two days ago. I couldn’t decide what to start reading but I’d been meaning to read The Fault in our Stars because I loved the movie. So, I started it and just about 35 pages in I came across that quote. I forget the context of it but I just remember thinking “wow, now that’s weird”.
These small acts from God reminded me that life has meaning and God is with me. They helped me just to be in a better mood and they gave me a little push if I was having trouble starting myself. I thank God in these moment’s and everyone that he acts through because I truly am grateful.